Every year, when stores clear their shelves of Christmas kitsch and bring out Valentine’s Day paraphernalia, I feel what must be post-industrial existential dread. Paper plates send out X’s and O’s. Companies I’ve never heard of peddle plaques, keychains, and jewelry that can be “personalized.” My social media feeds suggest romantic dinners and getaway experiences […]
Tag: Weird & Wonderful
Posted inBreaking
The Rest Is Silliness
“And they’re off! It’s very exciting—the beginning of a symphony is always very exciting. I can’t tell if it’s slow or fast yet because they keep . . . stopping.” It’s 1997, I’m six years old, and my family has just pulled into the driveway of our home. The local public radio station is playing […]
Posted inReview
Two Flutists Got Drunk and Listened to André 3000’s Flute Album
In late November, André 3000 released “New Blue Sun,” a CD immediately dubbed his “flute album”—though clearly as much for the picture on the cover as for the sound of the instrument 3000 plays. Nonetheless, as a lapsed, bad flutist, I decided to listen to the music with a current, extremely good flutist: Eric Lamb, […]
Posted inPlaylist
A Sea Major Playlist
A specter is haunting Europe—the specter of killer whales. Since 2020, pods of orcas have been attacking ships and yachts in European waters. As of about a month ago, more than 500 yachts had been attacked off the Iberian Peninsula alone. This summer, other aquatically-inclined mammals have joined their orca comrades (orca-mrades?), with reports from […]
Posted inRankings & Roundups
The Opera Fuckboy Matrix
What, exactly, is a fuckboy? When I asked people on what remains of classical Twitter to tell me about their favorite fuckboys in opera, the responses I received showed that, even after a nearly-decade-old debate around the word’s manifold meanings and usage, we’ve yet to reach a consensus. I’m not here to define the fuckboy. […]
Posted inRankings & Roundups
Every Bach Cantata, Ranked
After ranking the complete Scarlatti sonatas and Schubert songs, you might think I’d have learned my lesson, both in time spent and in baffled—or worse—reactions received. Still, I admit when I decided to take on ranking the complete Bach Cantatas, I was a little naive about the time commitment required. With fairly regular listening, this […]
Posted inPlaylist
Your Classical Music Summer Jam, According to Your Zodiac Sign
Have you been searching for your perfect summer jam? Are you also the kind of person who occasionally, if not frequently, finds “a little truth” in stereotypes about zodiac signs? While I’m skeptical of Astrotalk’s claims that Geminis are Chihuahuas and Scorpios are extra sexually active, I’m not above a trip to an astrologer’s office, […]
Posted inEssay
A Chained Man’s Bruise
“You get this idea of someone knowing that something is not right,” experimental vocalist Elaine Mitchener says of Peter Maxwell Davies’s “Eight Songs for a Mad King.” “It’s askew. You know the headache you have when you have a migraine—you can’t actually see something in front of the eye? That’s how I feel with this: […]
Posted inPlaylist
A C Major Playlist
Some days, I sit at the piano and doodle, playing nothing in particular for some unspecified period until I eventually stop. What happens next depends entirely on the amount of music I’ve chewed through the previous week: adventurous or gentle, thickly slathered or flimsily constructed. Little is uniform in these twiddling sessions, save for the […]
Posted inRankings & Roundups
The Most Deserved Deaths in Opera, Ranked
There are countless rankings of the best deaths in opera that grade by the most memorable (“La Bohème,” “La Traviata”), the most epic (“Dialogues of the Carmelites,” “Götterdämmerung”), and the most difficult to stage (“La Wally,” “La Juive”). All of those criteria are well and good, but what I want—what I really, really want—in an […]