Classical music social media gave us many funny, cringeworthy, or just plain strange gifts over the course of 2016. Here, we’ve collected some of our favorite Bagatelles of the year from our monthly series. Enjoy, and remember: if you look under the #classicalmusic hashtag, you never know just what might be waiting for you.
“Russ and Aurelien attempt to get served at the local watering hole. Attempt being the operative word. #notprettyenough” We know the feeling. If only there was a way for string players to get personalized, attentive service while traveling…
Bonus points for the comment by user alargent, “That’s when you send up Doyle to bat his eyes at them.”
#SimonBoccanegra, a.k.a. Plácido Domingo, in what looks like a martial arts battle with a water cooler.
Ensemble Dal Niente
Ensemble Dal Niente says this is a soundcheck. We call it pre-match meditation in preparation for an intense round of beer pong. The red Solo cups and Rometelli piece on the board are dead giveaways.
Another contestant for Miss Universe (Piano Edition) is Ksenija Sidorova, here seen advertising her “seductively fresh arrangements.” Actually, that phrase might work a little better for a florist.
Blowjobs in Opera
Show, don’t tell, Mark-Anthony Turnage. Don’t say your music is “amazing blowjob music of the spheres”; convince us with your sounds. By the way: has anyone else noticed the increasing prevalence of wry or shocking, social media friendly performance indications in scores these days?
At Tanglewood this summer, the Boston Symphony Orchestra advertises Renee Fleming, Yuja Wang, Ken-David Masur, and other Pokémon.
What’s a risqué apron among friends? According to user alejandrograceararat, a lot. “Whatch out with baphometh worshiper”—a term that refers to idolatry among the Knights Templar in the 14th century—“and their symbolism being peddle at your expense Yuja [extended sic],” he writes. Is this photo the first clue of an all-powerful, Da Vinci Code-style religious conspiracy in the classical music world?
This new development might not affect Chaya Czernowin’s ability to tweet old fruit watercolors, abandoned places, and absolutely horrifying fish, but it might make attending the premiere of “Infinite Now” next year difficult. We hope she recovers in time to make it to Ghent.
So far, our attempts to replicate the results of this experiment have proven fruitless.
“Nothing gets between me, my Calvins, and my vocal score to ‘Il Barbiere de Siviglia’ ”
The combination of screen grabs from Grindr and the aria “Un bel dì, vedremo” from “Madame Butterfly” is surprisingly effective.
New York Polyphony
Dear Librettists, take note: this is what slang sounds like when it’s sung.
Ring in the new year with scruff, tats, tight white T-shirt, and oboe. ¶