In an episode of “Looney Toons” called “The Long-Haired Hare”—haughty classical fans were once called longhairs, supposedly after Liszt—Bugs Bunny quarrels with an opera singer. Bugs is hanging out in the Hollywood hills, singing and playing the banjo. Meanwhile, in his home nearby, the best-named Italian American in television history, Giuseppe Jones, is trying to prepare the “Largo al factotum” aria from “The Barber of Seville,” but can’t focus with all the racket. Giuseppe charges outside, smashes Bugs’s instruments, and hangs him on a tree by the ears. 

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… is a writer from New York. His essays and criticism have appeared in The Baffler, The Drift, Los Angeles Review of Books, Cleveland Review of Books, Publishers Weekly, New York Review of Architecture,...